The Moon Song

December 10th, 2020

I don’t think you remember. At the time, we had known each other for just a little over a month. It was a full moon during the cold month of January. We were imagining a world in which things were just as we wished them to be… better. You made me really happy that day. You still do. Every single day. You told me it was a full moon. I had no idea. I opened my window and stared at the moon. I was listening to “The Moon Song” by Oscar Lang. I quickly started associating it with you. That’s when I realized I fell for you. I cried quite a bunch that night. I still do. Every time I hear that song, I think of you. I tried so hard to hide my feelings. I told myself it’d be best if you never found out… we were friends afterall. I wanted to be friends with you. I hid it for eleven months. Until today. When you told me. I never, not in a million years, would have expected that. I’ve always put you on a higher pedestal. In my silly little mind, you were unreachable; someone who I must watch from a distance. I’ve seen you fall in and out of love with others and I’ve wished you would see me as anything but a buddy for once. It hurt, yes. But every single time, I was happy for you. Because you might be the first person I’ve ever loved. At some point I moved on. Or, at least, I tried to. I don’t think I’ve ever truly moved on… I don’t think I ever will. You will just keep being my dear first love. And I wish I could kiss you. Once. Before you are gone forever. Because I do not know for how much longer you’ll choose to love such a flawed being. And I do not know for how long I can keep on choosing you. Don’t get me wrong, you’re one of the only reasons I’ve been happy this year. But you’ve made it hard for me. You’ve always been in the back of my mind, somewhere. You never left. Darling, it is so unfair. I never felt happy with someone else. Every single time, something was missing. You were missing. Now I feel like I’ve already lost you. Lost the chance to be with you one single time before you vanish. And I miss you greatly every day that passes. We’ve only met once, for a split second. But your image never left my mind. Because that night I knew I was in love with you. And I hate this cheesy paragraph I’m writing for you. My silly love paragraph does not compare to the way I truly feel about you. I don’t want to think of the day we’ll go on different paths… yet I know it’s unlikely you’ll love me forever. A boy can dream, though. 

August 10th, 2022

But I was right. You couldn’t love me forever, and nor did I keep choosing you. Our love was not enough. I think about you with every breath I take and it hurts to know I can never know your whereabouts. We’re two separate people once again; and I’m happy about it, yet it pains me. I guess we’re now a cheesy story, a sad event, a teenage romance. I sometimes want you back, but I can never let my feelings show; I can never tell you how I feel. Who would’ve thought forever could last so little?